Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
