i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
