i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
