so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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