btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
