i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
