We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
