I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
