Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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