you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You are a genius and a whore.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
