I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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