don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
