I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
