Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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