I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
