Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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