Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
