I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
too bad you live with your parents still
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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