i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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