oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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