there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
