tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
worst night to have a conscience
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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