I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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