New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
