I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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