I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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