Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
operation have a gay friend backfired
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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