She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
