How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
