This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
