You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
