never play flip cup with pint glasses
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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