i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He better not be in your backpack
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
