She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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