all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
