Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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