woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
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Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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