My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
