We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Quick, to the slutcave!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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