My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
