i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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