I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
