Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
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