I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
