I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize