i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
