the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
