does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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