You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
