it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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