dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
