When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
