6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
