if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
