I don't usually arrange sex via text message
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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