I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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