thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
