Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
