I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
