He had one of those small greek statue penises
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
