How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize