I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
