So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
