I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The adults are the big ones right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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