Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
