I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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